No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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