If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
is wine microwaveable?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
