Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
