Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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