I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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