i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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