I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
