ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I love you. Go after that dick
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
