The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
