wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
