Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
