five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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