She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
