now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
