She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think my moral compass just broke
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
