I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
