his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
