I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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