sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
