He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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