My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
