The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She bit a glass in half.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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