remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
