You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
