It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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