Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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