it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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