I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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