She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
