He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Found the puke drawer
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
