Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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