i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
