remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
