when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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