I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
