now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
