I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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