If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
