gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My ATM looks so different sober.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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