But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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