You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
