i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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