I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
