He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
