Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
