Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
