He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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