She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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