New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
