Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
