Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
