I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
