i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
