I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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