Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
